Friday, July 09, 2004

 

Dog. Man. Chomp.

This story has been up on the CNN website for two days now. Why?

PAMPLONA, Spain (CNN) -- Four men were gored on Thursday, including an American and a Briton, in the third day of the annual running of the bulls in Pamplona...

Also, skateboarders break arms ollying off banister...good gracious gophers, it would be news if the horde of frightened bulls chased down narrows streets with a horde of international nincompoops suddenly decided to stop off at the bar for a sangria.

And then there's the top story:

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- In a grim milestone, the number of deaths in the American-led coalition in Iraq surpassed 1,000 this week.

Why not lead with the 995th death? Or the 739th? What makes this death more tragic or heroic? How is this news significant? Is this news, or an odometer? There's no context here, just a nice round number with some vague tut-tutting and a wrap-up of the news from Iraq. For the war, or against the war, this means exactly nothing.

posted by Dan 12:04 PM
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Thursday, July 08, 2004

 

I Am a Published Internet Columnist

Therefore you may light candles in my name to induce my favor in your quest for fertility/back pain relief. No sheep entrails, please.

Gaze upon my majesty.

Yes, it's a reprint. Silence, fleshéd one!

posted by Dan 3:16 PM
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It Was Such a Beautiful Morning Until...

Ah, glorious morning! What missives of the day do you bring unto me?

Star names join Python on Broadway

NEW YORK (Reuters) -- David Hyde Pierce, Tim Curry and Hank Azaria were named Wednesday as the leading trio for next year's Broadway-bound production of Monty Python's "Spamalot."

"Spamalot," to be directed by Oscar and Tony Award winner Mike Nichols, is billed as "the musical lovingly ripped off from the motion picture, 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'...

Ah. Excuse me while I lose my mind from rage.

FLARMP! MAGPTHT! JAKOOTLE!

...okay...Broadway, let's talk

This bothers me. Not because it's yet another rehash. Not because it looks like the biggest celebrity ego project of the season. Not because there are approximately 250,000 comic writers in the tri-state area, half of whom would -- given the opportunity -- whip out something funny as well as new. Not because this proves to me beyond all doubt that the only way to get my play to Broadway is to write a screenplay, hope it gets made into a movie, and hope that the movie acquires enough of a following to warrant a cynical project like this. No, it's not any of that, at least that's not the worst of it.

Broadway, I own two copies of "Holy Grail." That's on DVD and VHS. Do you know what that means? It means that the movie is so flawless, so perfect, that in order to appreciate its perfection, I need two copies. Do you see? I had a perfectly good VHS tape, but when new technology provided a version only slightly clearer than that, I plunked down for it. Because it is a perfect thing. It is the Aristotelian ideal of a silly funny movie. PERFECT, as in CANNOT be improved upon, as in SHOULD NOT be touched by grubby fingers, as in DO NOT TOUCH IT.

I know that you don't care, Broadway. I know you stopped caring a long time ago. But consider this. I'm pretty sure that I'm the target audience for this...thing. But if I see David Hyde Pierce in the street, I might have to roll him. Roll him, and use the money I make pawning his gold wristwatch to build a giant slingshot with which to fling Tim Curry into the sea. Hank Azaria I will let be, so long as he comes to my house and serves me beer while pretending to be Moe. But David, rolled, and Tim, flung into the sea. That's the kind of anger you're getting from your target demographic.

Please Broadway, reconsider this ill-conceived notion. Please, think of the celebrities.

posted by Dan 11:36 AM
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Tuesday, July 06, 2004

 

Instead of a real post:

Why not pix from a production that happened five months ago?

Here's two hot guys from Lil Pervs, Craig Waletzko and Klem, performing monologues by Rob Matsushita.

   

More someday.

posted by Dan 10:49 PM
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