Venal Scene

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Dear My In-Laws,

I�ve had a delightful time over these past few years, learning about your ancient, mysterious culture. You had taught me that joy and family can be found in Judaisim, in spite of your foreignishly oriental customs. I even believed that we had arrived at an understanding, a trust, between us.

But then I discovered that you kept your best custom a secret from me.

Why, why, why do we not do chicken-swinging?! Why do we not perform this important ritual? When you told me about Yom Kippur, sure it sounded interesting philosophically, if a bit on the dull side. But you never said anything about chicken-swinging! Lighting candles and Hebrew prayers are nice, and recounting the plagues appeals to my morbid side, but a good chicken-swing outclasses all of these rituals by far. It is the friggin Satisfaction of rituals. It�s got animal cruelty, symbolic sin-foisting, dinner. I mean�it�s friggin chicken-swinging! I can barely contain my enthusiasm!

Gurpphl! Molnt! Zmoink!

Okay, enthusiasm contained. I�m trying to give you benefit of the doubt. Maybe you thought I wouldn�t go for it. Some might misunderstand your intentions if they saw you toss poultry around like a rodeo star on ESPN 3. So I�ll simply ask, can we pretty-please do this next Yom Kippur? I�ll bring a baby chick for your grandkid to juggle. Photo op!

Nota bene: Amateur Gourmet did cover this a while ago, but somehow I missed it.
Labels: religion

posted by Dan 12:36 PM
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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Blasphemy

You might have missed this news on the big websites. Some very bright bulbs disproved evolution. No really. There�s video (h/t Brian Flemming).

All I know is, when you misunderstand the nature of peanut butter and bananas, you misunderstand The King. And that I will not stand for.
Labels: linkage, news, religion, tv

posted by Dan 5:21 PM
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